11 Questions to Ask When Clients Won’t Let Go of Anything
This page may contain links to Amazon.com or other sites from which I may receive commission on purchases you make after clicking on such links. Read my full Disclosure Policy
When you met with your client for the needs assessment, she seemed very eager to let go of her clutter and get organized once and for all. Now you are ankle-deep in her clutter working with her at your first decluttering session, and every time you ask her, “keep, donate, trash?” She replies, “keep!” You’re beginning to think, Is she going to let go of anything?
Stop – Have a Conversation
Before you get too far along, I suggest you stop the session and have a conversation with your client. If she stated a goal during your needs assessment of how much she was willing to let go of, now would be a great time to say, “when we talked at our first meeting, you said you would be willing to let go of x%. We have been working for the past few hours, and you haven’t let go of anything. Do we need to revisit your goal? Or what can I do to help you meet that goal?”
Set Goals
If she didn’t state a goal, ask her what her goal is. How much does she want to let go of? Is there a category of her belongings she knows she wants to significantly let go of or downsize? What criteria does an item need to meet to be kept or discarded?
If she has changed her mind, or never intended to let go of anything, ask her what her expectations of your work together are. Maybe she wants to keep everything and wants you to find a place for everything. If that is her goal, you will need to assess the feasibility of that goal and gently let her know if it is or is not possible.
Help Her Make Decisions
Maybe she has difficulty making decisions because she is afraid of making the wrong decision. Reframing can help your clients see their belongings in a different light that can make the decision about whether or not to keep something easier. Here are some reframing questions I ask when my client cannot decide to keep or not keep something:
- Does it make you feel mad, bad, or sad to look at it?
- Do you think you will use it again (or for the first time) and what circumstances will have to be in place for you to use it?
- When was the last time you used/wore it?
- Are you putting things before people and relationships?
- Can you borrow or purchase another one if needed?
- Does it take more time and effort to take care of it than it is worth?
- If you knew that someone else would really benefit from having this (i.e., if we found a great place to donate it?), would that make it easier for you to let it go?
- Are you keeping it because someone gave it to you, and you will feel guilty if you get rid of it?
- If you took a picture of it, would it be easier to let it go?
- Do you have anything else that reminds you of this (event, person, or time)?
- And, the BIG question, how much is this item costing you, and how much is it benefitting you?
What is your strategy or tactics when your clients won’t let go of anything?
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Great questions! I think I have used almost all of these questions over many years helping organize solopreneurs and individuals. I would always use the first one, “Does it make you feel mad, bad, or sad to look at it?” most often. It allows others to examine their feelings about an object. My clients would go into automatic when answering the keep, toss, question. So, having them stop and evaluate how they feel about an object seems to readjust their answers. Thanks for sharing.
I haven’t heard that twist on the question before, and it’s interesting! I can think of a few objects of my own that I kept much longer than made sense, and perhaps if I’d asked myself that question, I’d have been able to let them go much sooner.
It’s always a fascinating journey when you work with clients. Very often, the goals and desire to declutter, let go, and get organized are there. However, the willingness or readiness to do the work needed to make that happen needs to be developed and encouraged. I see this all the time.
Having clear goals helps. Setting boundaries helps, too. As in, I have 20 pairs of black pants, but I really only need 5. Then you can help your client choose their 5 favorites.
Having a great list of questions to help facilitate decision-making also helps tremendously. I love the ones Anne shares. You never know which one will ‘land,’ so having a variety of questions in your toolbox is great.
Thanks for stopping by, Linda! Your insight is always appreciated.
These are all great questions. I think it helps just to be able to have a conversation about our stuff, instead of just feel pressured to “get rid of everything” by ourselves. Sometimes spouses or other family members can be pressuring us, but we really aren’t ready. The simple act of talking about an item helps people feel ready to let go, and having someone to listen and reflect on what we are saying helps.
Definitely #7 helps people. Most people just want their things to be used and enjoyed rather than discarded.
I absolutely agree with you on that last statement, Seana! When I’m ready to let go of something, my order of preference is:
1. give it to someone I know – but only after confirming they’d like to have it
2. post it on a local Facebook group where I know exactly who will be receiving it, and sometimes even what they plan to do with it
3. donate it, preferably to a cause that’s close to my heart, but that’s not always an option, and sometimes I just want it gone, so I’ll give it to whoever is closest or will pick up
4. recycle it
5. throw it out